Set Free

There are so many things that I've been healed from this past week and a half. There are so many things that I've learned. But not thru humans, although they were used to bring me to the point where I was open to the learning. It was thru God and Him alone, that I was set free. I walk in that freedom.

I have learned that it is okay to cry. Growing up I learned that if I cried, it would show I am weak and beatings would follow along with ridicule and hateful words. I see now that crying releases emotions, good and bad ones. Crying is needed when words fail to show depth. I weep openly now, I weep with joy, with sorrow and with anger.

I now see that the enemy had distracted me from my devotional time with God, thus leading me to the dark place that I was. I had no time with God, so I perceived Him to have left me. I thought God had PUT ME in that dark place because I was bad or because it was a test. I see now it was the enemy. I get to trample the enemy under my feet now because a Prophet of The Lord had spoke the Truth over me and the Truth sets me FREE. Now I MAKE time to be with my Lord, whether it is on break at work or in the early morning before everyone else is up.
I am learning it is okay to go to others for help and to verbally say I need their help. That one was the hardest for me: to trust someone enough to state you are not strong enough to do something and are trusting them to help you. But that is one that is still a work in progress.

I see now that God loves me. It isn't human love and conditional. He LOVES me. He BLED for me. He waits patiently for me to come to me. When I came to Him on my knees on that third night of the conferences, He rejoiced and poured His Spirit on me. I sang in the language of angels. My heart exploded. He shared a taste of the burden He has for His Church, that He has for me. To feel what He feels, just a fraction of it, it blows my mind still. To see myself as He does for those fleeting moments, how I wish I could draw! My beloved... He calls me His ♥

I am set free from the lies that were spoken over me for over 10 years to the present. No, all of them aren't gone. But the ones that are frees me to dance with abandon, to worship with the flag and with my voice and with my pencil. I can walk knowing I am His. No, I do not know what all that entails. But I know I am His Beloved, His Bride. He loves me. And no man on this Earth (except for Jesus when He comes) can take that away from me.

I Will Rise

I have learned a lot in this past week, about myself and about God. God has a way of taking something you are hiding from the world and bringing it into the light for you to overcome. I know now that God doesn't want this for me. He didn't plan this. This isn't something I have to go through because I was a bad kid or something God has planned to test me. No, those are lies. This is something the enemy is doing. Satan may be using it in hopes I fall into sin, in hopes I turn from God, in hopes I commit suicide. But God, my Daddy, my Saviour!, is going to use it for good. I do not know what that looks like in the longrun. Right now I see how He is using it to help me overcome my fears: my fear of leaning on people, my fear of asking for help, my fear of letting people see the skeletons in my closet, my fear of crying. God is using it to help me get DEEPER into Him. I am learning so much about my Daddy during this time. I am learning more about my spiritual giftings. I am STILL ALIVE and walking with Jesus. To God be the glory. And thanks be to those who are His Children who are (thankfully) yielded to God and His Spirit and were able to come alongside me during these past 5 months and help me stay on the narrow road. My Spiritual parents do not have a Facebook. But to my other spiritual parents, Shawn and Stacey, and to my brother and sister Chris and Michelle, thank you. Thank you for hearing God's voice and being a vessel for Him to flow thru you, to use the giftings He has given you to reach me during these past 5 months. You are such beautiful people. Jesus reigns and the fire can either consume or refine... may I be refined 'to be more beautiful than the tanzanite'.

What is YOUR Bible saying?

When I was younger and naive (miss those days sometimes), I would hear my Pape say someone was a Christian, Catholic or Jew and I would instantly think, "Oh they are different. I can hang out with them! They don't do bad things!" And that is how it would go throughout my younger days up until I was in high school. Then I entered high school and saw these "Christians" drinking, smoking, carrying a baby, getting an abortion, being as bad as the "unsaved" people. To think I believed someone being a Christian or Catholic made them a good person. THIS IS HOW IT IS! It ISN'T to be this way! What happened to allowing the Spirit to move in us and to convict us of living a righteous life, pleasing to the Lord?!? Church, wake up! WE ARE THE BIBLE THE WORLD IS READING!!! If people are not going to read the Bible, our job as Followers of Christ, is to reflect the Bible and the wonderful life we have since we've accepted Christ. It bothers me to let people know I am a Christian and their face reflects disdain, disgust, a look of hatred or boredom. People should be joyful, asking us what to do to receive Christ. Being a Christian is not a label we wear on Sundays as we go through the motions and then we spend the rest of the week in our old (present) sins, that is throwing manure into the face of the man who died FOR US! Christ ended all of that when He died for us. We are to let the Spirit in us convict us and help us turn away from our flesh and fix our eyes on Him! Do not shame Christ! We are the Bible the world is reading... what is YOUR Bible saying?