Normally I keep my personal life hidden from all but those close to me but I feel the need to share this typing, this blog, if you will. I am typing this in the confidence that my Holy Father will protect me from harsh words that may form from it, the fear that has kept me from writing this for two weeks. Note: If you do not believe in God, in Satan, in demons and don't want to, perhaps viewing the word enemy or demons in this writing as depression may help you understand.
We all have our ups and downs. One day you are happy, running around like a teenager again. Other days you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to do much of anything. Parents might refer to it as teenager angst or their kid just being in a mood. Sometimes that is all that it is.
So what happens when that little mood turns into a war inside of a person? A war that takes your friend, your kid, your spouse and turns them into a shadow of what they used to be? A war that takes your beloved person to the edge of suicide?
That, my audience, is the enemy winning the soul of your beloved...
And, sadly, that person was and has been me for the past month or more. I just never saw it til I was contemplating suicide exactly one week ago.
The enemy can take one little bad thing he formed to happen against you and make it start a domino effect that will destroy you. It can start out with a death of a family member (yes, pets included) and it will just start a chain reaction of destruction. After that your parent will lose their job and financial struggles are mounted on top of remorse and grieving. After that you get molested and suddenly you are carrying around guilt, shame and anger. Fights with family members follow and now you are carrying around disbelief on top of everything else.
Without realizing it, you have turned away from God, your Comforter. You are carrying baggage you were never meant to carry. You are breaking under it all.
The following part is personally what happened to me and might not be able to be applied to all situations of demonic oppression.
You hear voices in your head telling you that you are worthless. You are just a burden on everyone. You aren't good enough. You are pathetic. Why are you bothering to try to stay alive? Wouldn't it be better to just go back into old ways? You knew that area of your life. Just go back to it. Easy simple relief.
It is then you relapse into old ways. It can be anything: smoking, drinking, cutting, acts of violence, wearing clothes you identify with from your old self. You basically become a person who is nothing but destruction on yourself. And in the process, on those you love.
You keep repeating your old crutch expecting relief. Relief you never get.
... So you try to end your life. And if you succeed, Satan wins your soul.
Relief is only found in Christ. From the first domino the enemy sets in place, we tend to turn away from God. And that is how this whole blog starts. From turning away from Him. Believing He let this happen to us. Believing He wasn't there and didn't protect us when we are molested or abused by another. Believing He doesn't hear our cries when we lose a loved one.
God is always with us. He always loves us. It is just very hard for us to believe.
The moment you are in despair... turn towards Him!
If you feel you cannot turn toward Him, go to a fellow Christian. They will life you up.
If you feel like you are losing the fight to stay alive, please, message me. Your life is far too precious.
