Set Free

There are so many things that I've been healed from this past week and a half. There are so many things that I've learned. But not thru humans, although they were used to bring me to the point where I was open to the learning. It was thru God and Him alone, that I was set free. I walk in that freedom.

I have learned that it is okay to cry. Growing up I learned that if I cried, it would show I am weak and beatings would follow along with ridicule and hateful words. I see now that crying releases emotions, good and bad ones. Crying is needed when words fail to show depth. I weep openly now, I weep with joy, with sorrow and with anger.

I now see that the enemy had distracted me from my devotional time with God, thus leading me to the dark place that I was. I had no time with God, so I perceived Him to have left me. I thought God had PUT ME in that dark place because I was bad or because it was a test. I see now it was the enemy. I get to trample the enemy under my feet now because a Prophet of The Lord had spoke the Truth over me and the Truth sets me FREE. Now I MAKE time to be with my Lord, whether it is on break at work or in the early morning before everyone else is up.
I am learning it is okay to go to others for help and to verbally say I need their help. That one was the hardest for me: to trust someone enough to state you are not strong enough to do something and are trusting them to help you. But that is one that is still a work in progress.

I see now that God loves me. It isn't human love and conditional. He LOVES me. He BLED for me. He waits patiently for me to come to me. When I came to Him on my knees on that third night of the conferences, He rejoiced and poured His Spirit on me. I sang in the language of angels. My heart exploded. He shared a taste of the burden He has for His Church, that He has for me. To feel what He feels, just a fraction of it, it blows my mind still. To see myself as He does for those fleeting moments, how I wish I could draw! My beloved... He calls me His ♥

I am set free from the lies that were spoken over me for over 10 years to the present. No, all of them aren't gone. But the ones that are frees me to dance with abandon, to worship with the flag and with my voice and with my pencil. I can walk knowing I am His. No, I do not know what all that entails. But I know I am His Beloved, His Bride. He loves me. And no man on this Earth (except for Jesus when He comes) can take that away from me.

I Will Rise

I have learned a lot in this past week, about myself and about God. God has a way of taking something you are hiding from the world and bringing it into the light for you to overcome. I know now that God doesn't want this for me. He didn't plan this. This isn't something I have to go through because I was a bad kid or something God has planned to test me. No, those are lies. This is something the enemy is doing. Satan may be using it in hopes I fall into sin, in hopes I turn from God, in hopes I commit suicide. But God, my Daddy, my Saviour!, is going to use it for good. I do not know what that looks like in the longrun. Right now I see how He is using it to help me overcome my fears: my fear of leaning on people, my fear of asking for help, my fear of letting people see the skeletons in my closet, my fear of crying. God is using it to help me get DEEPER into Him. I am learning so much about my Daddy during this time. I am learning more about my spiritual giftings. I am STILL ALIVE and walking with Jesus. To God be the glory. And thanks be to those who are His Children who are (thankfully) yielded to God and His Spirit and were able to come alongside me during these past 5 months and help me stay on the narrow road. My Spiritual parents do not have a Facebook. But to my other spiritual parents, Shawn and Stacey, and to my brother and sister Chris and Michelle, thank you. Thank you for hearing God's voice and being a vessel for Him to flow thru you, to use the giftings He has given you to reach me during these past 5 months. You are such beautiful people. Jesus reigns and the fire can either consume or refine... may I be refined 'to be more beautiful than the tanzanite'.

What is YOUR Bible saying?

When I was younger and naive (miss those days sometimes), I would hear my Pape say someone was a Christian, Catholic or Jew and I would instantly think, "Oh they are different. I can hang out with them! They don't do bad things!" And that is how it would go throughout my younger days up until I was in high school. Then I entered high school and saw these "Christians" drinking, smoking, carrying a baby, getting an abortion, being as bad as the "unsaved" people. To think I believed someone being a Christian or Catholic made them a good person. THIS IS HOW IT IS! It ISN'T to be this way! What happened to allowing the Spirit to move in us and to convict us of living a righteous life, pleasing to the Lord?!? Church, wake up! WE ARE THE BIBLE THE WORLD IS READING!!! If people are not going to read the Bible, our job as Followers of Christ, is to reflect the Bible and the wonderful life we have since we've accepted Christ. It bothers me to let people know I am a Christian and their face reflects disdain, disgust, a look of hatred or boredom. People should be joyful, asking us what to do to receive Christ. Being a Christian is not a label we wear on Sundays as we go through the motions and then we spend the rest of the week in our old (present) sins, that is throwing manure into the face of the man who died FOR US! Christ ended all of that when He died for us. We are to let the Spirit in us convict us and help us turn away from our flesh and fix our eyes on Him! Do not shame Christ! We are the Bible the world is reading... what is YOUR Bible saying? 

Not of this world

All my life I haven't fit in anywhere. Since I have been saved almost 1 year ago (Sept 12th) even more so. I know in my church and among fellow Christians, I do not fit in. I am not satisfied with teaching on just Jesus and His death and resurrection. I believe in teaching on the Holy Spirit that raised Him from the dead, the Spirit that now lives in us and gives us the authority to raise the dead, heal the sick. The Spirit that allows us receive visions and spiritual gifts. Because I am a "Holy roller", "nut case", "Pentecostal" and "Charismatic" (just to name a few of the things I have been called) and because I believe in pursuing, learning and teaching these things, I do not fit in. Because I cannot worship in the "right" way, cannot just stand there and cannot sing songs without singing in the language of angels, I do not fit in. I do not believe in being content with only part of the Scriptures and only teaching parts of the Good News. Yes, it gets me into trouble. Yes, it is a lonely place to walk. Jesus got into trouble and His walk was with few. He saved all of mankind if we would only receive it. I believe I am in good company, no? I have my spiritual parents who believe in pursuing what I am. I am seeking revival. If that leaves me as one who doesn't fit in, I believe it is a worthy sacrifice to follow in the steps of my Saviour.

Hard Look Into the Still Waters

I apologize if this note lacks my normal eloquence and structure.

As I watch my fellow brothers and sisters in Chris fall to the things of this world and watch their walk with God and their spirits decay, I have literally weeped and I have felt such an anger and irritation in my heart. The Body of God today seems so blind to the control the enemy has over them when they fall into the ways of the world. 

Why is no one teaching on this in church?

Your pastors may not teach you on the enemy and spiritual warfare. Your pastor may not teach you about avoiding the ways of the world and walking on the narrow road. Your pastor may not come alongside you and ask you how your walk is with God. But it IS in the Bible. 

Please, learn to guard yourself against backsliding and falling into the ways of the world. We are called to be different and "outside of the world" if you will (John 15:16).

We are to set our minds and eyes on things above, things that are of God. We are to yearn for God, for Heaven, for the spiritual things which will satisfy, unlike things of this world that satisfy temporairly and, usually, with consequence (Colossians 3:1-3). 

When we allow ourselves to fall into the things of the world, we are starving our spirits that yearn for God and the Spirit. When we know Jesus and are devoted to Him then fall into the world and completely turn from our faith, we are worse off than we were before we knew Him. We beome worse off than before because we knew freedom yet in the end we chose to be in bondage again (2 Corinthians 11:3; 2 Peter 2:20-22).

If no one else has told you then I shall.

Guard yourself from the ways of this world. Make a covenant with your eyes (Job 31:1), guard your mouth (James 1:26; Ephesians 4:29). Live your life in a pure lifestyle so you can come before God with no guilt (Psalm 26:6). 

If you do not feel anger or wish to walk away from anything that is not building up your life or is pleasing to God (cussing, immoral TV or music, your own actions) I beg of you to check your heart and where you are with God.

If you know this is you, God wants you to turn back to Him and it is repeated multiple times (James 4:8). God is ever so clear in scripture from the beginning to the end of the Holy Book where you stand when you turn away from Him knowingly (Hebrew 10:26-29; Luke 9:62; James 4:17).

God asks you in Galatians 5:7 who made you turn from the truth? Are you able to look and see who is is? If you are able to, are you willing to choose God and walk away from those who make you stray?

Galatians 6:1-2 commands us to hold one another accountable. So I write this not to be harsh on any reader or to cause anyone to feel shame. We all come up short from what we know we can be in our walk. Proverbs 27:17 declares that we sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron. Let us all come to one another, gently, pointing out sin or backsliding. Let us pray together. And let us, as a body, be not of this world and be followers of Christ. 

Psalm-ish Writing

Oh, my God, how log will You withhold Yourself from me? My soul longs for Your embrace and Spirit as the moon longs for the night. My cries echo thru the land and rise to the Heavens yet You hide Your Spirit from me. My God! Answer my cries! The enemy looms near, look how he watches my move, my God. His followers loom alongside, waiting for me to trip. Lord, I am already fallen. Please, do not hesitate in saving me. I reach for You, my Love. Trample my enemies, crush them, oh God. Save me, my Lord. I need You. No person, no not even my spiritual parents, can satisfy my soul like Your Presence can. Oh, Daddy, come quickly and save me. I cry out to Thee.... 

In Your Arms

I see Your smile as I close my eyes
Feel Your arms around me tight
I rest here knowing You love me
Knowing one day You'll set me free
I find joy in the dreams You create
Find wonder when You show me fate
As You take my mind away from the world
I forget about what makes my heart so cold
It is in my mind that I find my true peace
It's there in Our meadow where You and I meet