This will be the worst poem I've ever written. It is a poem I wrote on September 12th, 2012, when I was saved. I was originally going to send it to my spiritual mother but it still sits, in my email drafts. It was meant to show her who I was, who I still was, even after accepting Christ, what the enemy will use to break me. After my baptism, it became clear I needed to let it out into the open. And now after South Dakota, I know unless others know, it will be the enemy's weapon against me.
Never raised with a source of light
Each day, living became a fight
Take each blow and wait for the end
Watch all this blood flow to the bed
“You’re nothing, no one will love you”
Use Mom’s makeup, cover the black and blue
Smile, pretend it is completely fine
Long sleeves, no one sees the red lines
She has a knife, look at his throat
Pills, alcohol, steel… my way to cope
Hide in the corner, eyes made black
Perfect GPA, smiles, great false mask
Fourteen days behind these bars
So stupid, they found the scars
Come back out, ready for the end
Bottle of Aleve, I’m alive, so stupid
Graduate and no one knows the real me
People look but I won’t let them see
I’m just a simple broken girl
I’m lost, unloved, don’t belong in this world
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